*!With Arms Wide Open!*

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        Shane's POV

When the writer's at the WWE offices came to me about making my life with Hayley into a love story, the first one they would actually publish, I will admit, I was a little weary. I didn't want my life and the hardship I faced to be broadcasted to everyone all over the world. It just didn't seem right to me for some reason. The one thing I realized though was that Hayley would have loved this idea. She was such a talented writer, even though people never got to see just how good she was. I'm sure if she was still here with me, she would have wanted to write this story herself, and I can't blame her, she did live it. So none the less I let the writers do the story and it actually turned out wonderful. They really captured our life together and I think Hayley would be so proud of everything.

When I first met Hayley at the club, she was alone, but she wasn't concerned about it. There was just this light that came off of her that let you know she was independent and could do it all on her own. Her friend Amanda told me once that she hated it when Mike came around because she was a third wheel, and after knowing Hayley and loving her the way that I did, it turns out she was anything but a third wheel. She had so much more going for her that she hadn't even tapped into yet. That was how I found her at the club that night. She just spoke to me without even knowing it. I remember ditching Matt and Shannon, who were talking about Amy and Crystal so much it was making me sick. I knew what Hayley felt like at that moment, and I went over to her. It's funny because I read the book over again recently, and it seems that the writers really didn't want to tap into that first night as something significant. But that was the night the girl stole my heart.

I bought her a drink, which isn't normal for me because I don't drink all that much, and now come to think of it, neither did she. We started out talking about our friends and how we were the preverbal third wheels in the club that night, and from there it just led to so many other topics. I will admit I should have told her what I did that night, but it wasn't something that needed to come up. We didn't have to force the talking, and we didn't really want to talk about our jobs either. It was natural and to be honest to this day, six months after her death, it was still the best conversation I've ever had with a girl. That was why I couldn't get her out of my head, she had placed herself there permanently and there was no getting rid of her. Thinking back on the day that Jay and I were in the ring, it makes me laugh because I was really hooked at that point. I really did think I would never see her again.

When she walked into the locker room that night, my heart just exploded. Here was this girl who I really was interested in, and she was there to see the Hurricane. Now I am the Hurricane, so she was there to see me even though she didn't know it, but it still made it great. When I found out she was the head writer, it was a good thing for me all around because I thought, here's my chance. I treated her badly that night, I know I did. But when you are a wrestler, and you are on the road so much, no matter what job someone has with you in your line of work, its hard to hold together a relationship, and being head writer of RAW meant that she was only there on Monday's, and after that she was back home writing from there ,and brainstorming. I was still going to be on the road, and that's something I didn't want to put her through. So I basically blew her off, and it wasn't intentional. It was just to keep us both from getting hurt. But I always knew I wanted her. Like I said before, there was this glow that she had, and no one could take it from her.

Summer's idea for a party was a brilliant thing; it really was for so many reasons. Albeit, I didn't think she would be there. I just liked the idea of being home with my friends and just chilling out. We don't get to do that a lot anymore with Matt and Shannon being on different shows, and Jeff and Summer so involved in each other and the music business. So when she walked in, and I saw how truly pretty she looked. So natural just there in her plain Jane dresses, I knew I had messed up when I blew her off. Talking to the guys that night was a big thing for me because what Jason said really hit home with me. There are guys in our locker room that would love to have someone like that at home waiting for them. Hayley was a diamond in the rough, and I mean if I hadn't gone to her that night and talked to her, our love wouldn't exist I don't think. I just knew that in my heart I couldn't see her with anyone else from the locker room. It just wasn't something I was prepared to deal with, so I went with my feelings and laid it out on the line for her. I will be forever grateful to my friends, Matt, Shannon, Jay and Jeff, for butting in and kicking my ass for not doing it sooner.

When she said she would try, well let me tell you, I was lit up like a kid on Christmas. Any guys that read the book will probably feel the same way about their girls. When a pretty girl tells you that she wants to try, and get to know you, no matter what you do, then it just makes the world seem more beautiful, and that night she really did make me feel that way. Everyday after that she did that. That was the kind of hold that Hayley had over me, and I think too this day, still has over me. We were up in Summer's room talking for a really long time, although it doesn't seem that long when you see it on paper. There were so many looks and smiles and good things that night, that aren't displayed in the story, it just made the feel of it really great. I'm not the best guy at showing my feelings, but I had to make this girl see me for who I am, and want to get to know me like I wanted to get to know her. I think it worked out well that night for both of us.

Our date, the night we walked along the shoreline, was romantic, and I'll admit, it was one of the best things I could have come up with. That's the night she told me about her mother, and I didn't put two and two together then, and I don't think she did either. We had no idea what would be happening in the near future, it was just a good run of bad luck I guess. She told me about her mother and the cancer, and my heart really broke hearing it. She did love her mother so much, and losing her was a tremendous blow to her life, and it shifted the way she was working. She told me once that she always loved to write, but it didn't really hit home until her mother died. That's when she knew that she wanted to do this with her life. I just don't think she could have ever imagined writing for a bunch of muscle bound guys in the WWE. That was just an added bonus for me. Needless to say, the date went off just the way it should have and looking back I wouldn't have changed a thing. It was just wonderful.

The phone calls were something that I find really funny to this day and I know somewhere, wherever she is, Hayley would laugh about that too. I told her once that I wasn't the type of guy to remember to phone, and I thought that would mess us up and we wouldn't be able to work, but once it started, I couldn't go a day without phoning her. If you ask her roommate Amanda, she will tell you the same thing. I don't think she talked to Mike at all during the first few weeks. I was just horrible with the phone calls at all hours. It didn't matter where I was, but I wanted to be with her in my heart, so I would call her, and sometimes for hours we would just talk and laugh and be real.

I have a hard time discussing her cancer, because right now I still don't understand it fully. I get most of it, and people try to explain it more to me all the time, but it just doesn't sit right with me. Here is this amazing girl, and God assumes that she would be better off sick. It was just a cruel twist of fate, and I didn't like it one bit. I still have a hard time to this day dealing with it. I don't think I will ever understand it. God took my life away from me, and it isn't fair.

When she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, she didn't tell anyone, and that was such a huge deal for me, because I wanted to do whatever I could for her. She told Amanda, because apparently before me, it had been going on for some time. She was sick off and on and she was handling it all on her own. So when I came onto the scene and wanted to help her, she didn't know how to deal with it. She just shut down on me and hid it the best she could. She had all of us fooled up until the day she collapsed in the locker room. She had no other choice to tell us. Apparently Summer told me that she knew, and Hayley confirmed that for me, because apparently at the mall on one of their many shopping trips, she doubled over in pain. So Hayley had no choice but tell her. Summer being the person she was, was totally supportive, and I am so glad Hayley had her in her life. I think in the end it helped. The night she was taken to the Dallas hospital, I was so scared. I was pacing like a madman because I really didn't understand how someone so healthy could collapse. Summer tried her best to help me relax because she knew what was going on, and couldn't tell me, but I just didn't want to deal with it. Hayley told me that night in Dallas that she was sick. I think that was the night I realized that no matter what happened with us, I loved her. I told her that too, I mean I had to make sure she knew I loved her for her, and not because she was sick. What I learned that night was that she loved me too. That was the best night of my life. Knowing you're loved in return is just so amazing a feeling. I wish everyone could feel what I felt at that moment.

Another highlight of my life with Hayley was our prom. Now when I was in high school, the whole point of prom was to get laid and get loaded. The two L's is what I refer to them as. I didn't get to go to my prom because I was all over Carolina busting my ass to become a wrestler. I had the dream even back then, and Hayley hadn't gone to hers either, but I never got to find out the real reason why she didn't. At that point though it didn't matter to me, because I wanted to share this with her, and after some planning with Summer, and the occasional complaint from Jeff, we planned it out for her. When she got out of the hospital, we did it. I set everything into motion and I made it the most beautiful night for her. I'll admit it was pretty damn special for me too, it was the night we sealed our love for each other, but I'm a guy, I couldn't really walk around professing that to the other guys now could I? I couldn't think of a better prom then that one. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would still want to do it with Hayley. She was my prom queen.

Her relationship with Jeff was hard to understand. I read everything that was in the book, because for that they went to Jeff, because he knew everything first hand. I never really understood what made the two of them get as close as they did, but whatever it was; it helped us truly open up towards the end. Jeff has talked to me a lot about all of that stuff, and I figured that in order for me to truly understand it, I needed to hear everything from him. So I had him tell me about him and Hayley and I taped it, so when the time came to go into this detail about my life with Hayley, I could really sit down and understand it all. So here is what Jeff told me about his relationship with my girlfriend.

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        Jeff's POV

Me and Hayley never really talked before ya know? We really started to talk when I would come to the Raw shows and she would be meeting with the writers. They really were hard on her in the beginning and I think a part of her just wanted a friend from the outside, someone not directly affected by her job to understand her. I was that person for her. We met up one night after her meeting, because I was there visiting like I always do, and I talked to her about the writing and the reason behind me really quitting. I think that's when we both realized, we had a lot in common and we could build a decent friendship out of it.

When she got sick, and everything happened, she was afraid to open up to a lot of people, those people being Shane and Amanda and Summer. They were really close to her at that point, and I was still sort of on the outside looking in. So I had a different view then what she was feeding herself. We bonded, and it felt really nice, because she understood me in a way Summer never could, and I understood her, and her illness in a way no one else really could. I wouldn't change our friendship for anything in the world because I think overall it's made me a better person and even more open then I was before.

The kiss was something I do regret. Hayley was hurting, and when I say that, I want you to know it was bad. She had just found out she was not able to have children and for her it was a big thing. I think she was concerned at that point that Shane would hate her for it in the long run, so she wouldn't tell him, and I think she was upset because all girls dream of having a family, and hers was falling apart around her. I was trying to make her understand that she should tell Shane, and we argued pretty bad. I mean I didn't want to fight with her, but I didn't want her beating herself up over it. It was a crazy fight, which ended up with her kissing me. I'm a guy; I kissed her back, which threw me into a tailspin because if I was kissing her back, there was something missing in my life that I needed to look at. After it happened, it was something we both knew was wrong, and for awhile we didn't even talk. It was just too awkward for us to deal with. I know now, after some time that I kissed her because she was hurting, and I wanted to take some of that pain away, because I knew that she couldn't go on like this. What's funny is Shane seems to think it was because I wanted her to shut up! She was yelling a lot that day believe me. None the less, that kiss changed our outlook on our friendship and we never really got back to being good friends after that.

I told Shane I kissed her, and I also told Shane she couldn't have kids. I knew it wasn't my place, but at that point, someone had to break through her walls, and who better then the man she really loved. The one thing I regret about everything that happened with Hayley was that we never got a chance to be best friends again, and there are a lot of times that I miss that. When I need a good kick in the ass to get my head on straight.

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        Shane's POV

We broke up, because she was dying and she didn't want me to get hurt. It wasn't even a whole day we were apart but the whole time we weren't together, I was pretty much dead inside. That was something I had come to realize and deal with, she was my heart and my soul, and at that point, without her, life didn't seem worth living. Amanda told me she was dying, and I went into shock, but it didn't stop me from pushing myself on her. I had to make her see that she couldn't get rid of me by telling me she didn't want to see me anymore. I just still held on for dear life.

We got back together, which when I read the book was at the end of it, and it was pretty much right on the money for what we said. We had gone from talking about everything, to not talking at all, and then in the span of one night in time, everything was laid on the table and we made the decision not to give up. I told her what was in my heart and I was ready to walk out the door, but she stopped me, and with everything in me I'm glad she did. It made everything different.

What you don't know and what I'm here to basically explain is what happened in the six months after that night. The doctors had tried medication and chemotherapy with her, to rid herself of the toxins that were trying to take over, and we were really hoping it would work because neither one of us wanted to give up on what we had finally found. It's weird because in the span of a few months, she went from being sick and hiding it, to being open with it and almost near death. It was pretty dramatic and no amount of words on a paper could ever explain how real it really was. We enjoyed those six months. They had her staying home; she had to quit her job, which at the time she didn't care about. The WWE gave me some time off because they knew I wanted to be with her, and my heart wasn't in it as long as Hayley was home alone. I stayed with her every waking moment.

She lost all of her hair and it went pretty quickly, the chemo pretty much made her bald, but she wouldn't wear a wig. She was tough that way. I remembered Summer saying she deserved to be in the ring and not on TV and I know now that she was right, because Hayley was tougher then we all thought she was. She lasted through everything and she always tried to smile through it all. We went on dates; we even saw movies she normally hated, because she wanted to just be with me. We took walks around the area, and we even got to meet Matt and Jeff's father. I think, like Summer, it helped Hayley a lot just being around Gil. It opened up so many doors that she otherwise had closed.

The last time we did something together was that one last walk on the shoreline, staring up at the stars. Two days later we lost her, and my heart went with her, but that night, no one could touch us. We made love under the moonlight and I remember just holding her and not wanting to let her go. I think even then I knew it was over, and what we had, it had run its course, but I didn't want to believe it. I still don't want to believe it to this day, but that night will be forever with me, because it's the night that I really met an Angel.

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