*!Goodbye To You!*

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Hayley's Choice

I'm recording this because I don't think I have that much time left. I want to enjoy every moment as it comes, but I'm finding it really hard too. I've got so many people that love me, for who I am, not for the illness, but as of this moment, the illness is the only thing I can see. It's taken me over, and for that reason alone, I have to do this. So this is me from the heart, to each and every person that meant something to me in this life, you will be forever with me, and I hope you never forget that.

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To Amanda:

You are my soul sister. You've been with me through my mother's cancer, and then coincidentally, mine as well. I will be forever grateful to have had you in my life. I just hope that you can get your life together the way we both dreamed it would be, so many years ago. I know you have Mike, and he's so great he's going to help you through everything, when I am no longer here to do it with you. You are my best friend, and I think that if my mother had been alive longer, she would have made you a part of this family. So take that with you, in whatever you do in your life, and remember wherever I end up, I'm watching over you and only want to see the best things with you. We will forever be soul sisters.

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To Summer:

I met you at a Raw show the night I started my new job. It was such a thrill to just be there even though I didn't really like the entertainment sport at the time. It was just something I had to grow into, and I think along the way you became a part of that growing, and you made me really enjoy my job even when you weren't around to wrestle. I've never had the pleasure of seeing you do your thing. I was hoping I would before the time came that I had to leave this life, but I didn't. What I hope for you, is that you can talk to Jeff, and make him really understand your love for the sport. You'll be shocked to hear his point of view believe me. He loves you, and no matter what happens in your lives, I think you two will make it. The day I had to tell you about the cancer, you didn't run away, you just took it and dealt with it, and even now, in my final days, you've been here right by my side. What I do hope is that you can continue to be Shane's friend and help him through this when I can't anymore. He's going to need you, and I think you're going to need him. I am so happy that I met you and had you in my life for even a little while. You've changed so many outlooks I had, and I've really learned not to show fear anymore, because at this point, I no longer have any.

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To Jeff:

The kiss was something I could have never written about. I know how you and Summer got to be where you are, because one day she told me, and I just want to say that as much as that kiss meant to me, in making me see life more, it didn't mean as much as being with someone for the rest of your life. Summer and you are perfect together, and I do really hope you never forget that, and let stupid things get in the way. I know there's a time when you're alone and she flies off to Toronto for her music and you wish you could be with her. What you need to realize in those times, is that you have so much creativity that you need to explore, and should use that time to do that. She loves you, and when she goes to Toronto, she is following her dream and your dream too. She wants to be with you for the rest of her life, it's what marriage and love is about, and I hope you never forget it. I am no longer upset that you told Shane about the kiss. It was something that needed to happen to allow me and Shane the chance to work through the stuff we were not dealing with. I was scared to be open with anyone but you, because you weren't close to the whole situation and I really did consider you a best friend, and I think in a way you did too, kiss or not. In a lot of ways, in the time we had together, you helped me face so many things head on, and I will be forever thankful for that part of my life with you. So no matter what happens in your life, I'll always be here for you. The cancer might kill my body, but it won't kill my spirit, and it better not kill yours either.

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To Shane:

Baby, you are my entire life. I've had such a good time living since you came into my life, that nothing can touch me now. I take you with me wherever I go, and in some form, I hope you do the same. There are so many things that I want for you in this life. I want you to be able to move on after me, and just find love, the kind that won't die before it really gets a chance. In a lot of ways that is what ours did. We never got the shot we deserved, but in the end, with you by my side, easing my way into another world, it seems alright. I would like nothing more then to be with you for the rest of your life, but that's something I have no control over. I just want to be honest with you here, and let you know some of the things that you never knew. The night at the club, it was a set up. You didn't know this, but I saw you when I walked in, and set my sights on you. I was afraid to just walk up to you with your friends around, so I made Amanda and Mike get lost, and when I saw you out of the corner of my eye watching me, alone, I knew I had done the right thing because you fell for it hook line and sinker. You came to me and opened the door on what could be looked at now as the most incredible love I've ever had. When you found out I had cancer, and then when I found out that even with the surgery I couldn't have a family, it broke my heart and I made the decision there not to hurt you. What I didn't get, and what everyone else did, was that me not telling you was hurting you more. I shouldn't have pushed you away, but the day you came to me and didn't leave until you had said your piece, well that day will be with me forever, no matter where I end up. That was the day I knew we were meant to be, really meant to be.

I hope you aren't mad about being duped at the club. It was just something I had to do, and in the long run it turned out well for the both of us. I had no idea at that time that I would only have a certain amount of time to live, but I think we made the most of it. Another thing I wanted to thank you for, well was coming back to me at Summer's house and letting me know what an ass you were the night before. You were trying to hide your heart from getting in too deep and looking back now, it was the best thing you could have done, but it didn't stay that way. I let you in, and I forced my way into your heart, and from that moment on, we fell in love. That day at Summer's was one of the best moments in our relationship, and I will never forget that either.

The prom was wonderful. I never went to mine because my mother was sick, and I had to look after her. At that point we didn't know what she had, but it ran in her family so we eventually found out. When mama got sick, I was there to be with her, she couldn't do that alone, something that now that I've gone through it, I know as fact. So I didn't go to my prom, and I know you didn't go to yours because you were wrestling all over the state. When I walked into Summer's and you had everything done up and even the corsage, well my life changed that night. I think that looking back on what I did miss at my actual prom, well I didn't miss much, because the one that I had with you, was the one I could have dreamed of. Actually the one that we shared was my dream, and the night spent outside watching the stars and drinking wine, which I don't normally do, well it was legendary. That night we made love for the first time, and Shane, no matter what you remember me for, remember me for loving you with my entire heart right in that moment, and knowing that you were my last lover, well it brings a smile to my face, because you were the best for me. We really fit together, and no one can take that from me. I wanted to be with you, and if it was only that one time, that would have been enough for me. I didn't want to feel anything but the total elation I felt that night with you. No one will ever truly grasp the connection that we formed that night, and I don't think I want them too, because that was just for us. We know what we felt, and that's all that matters. Also I know Summer and Jeff helped you plan it, so to them, my heartfelt thanks, because you made it a night to remember.

Our first kiss was something I also don't want to forget. Under the moonlight by the water, so innocent and not a care in the world. You heard about my mother and her illness and you still stayed and that kiss was just so beautiful. There will never be for me, another moment in time that will feel the same as that. Just know that it's forever with me. I've been sitting with Summer lately and going over the music in her collection, and there was two songs that just hit me, and I want you to hear them, so on this tape they will be placed right here. I want you to take those songs and remember them, because they are how I remember you.

*Tape stops and music plays*

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I'll always remember

It was late afternoon

It lasted forever

And ended so soon

You were all by yourself

Staring up at a dark gray sky

I was changed

In places no one would find

All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)

It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

The moment that I saw you cry

It was late in September

And I've seen you before (and you were)

You were always the cold one

But I was never that sure

You were all by yourself

Staring at a dark gray sky

I was changed

In places no one would find

All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)

It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

I wanted to hold you

I wanted to make it go away

I wanted to know you

I wanted to make your everything, all right....

I'll always remember...

It was late afternoon...

In places no one would find...

In places no one would find

All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)

It was then that I realized

That forever was in your eyes

The moment I saw you cry

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*Tape Restarts*

I chose this song for one reason Shane, and that's because the night you came to me, and professed your love, no matter about the cancer and the fact that I couldn't have your children, well it was also the first time you cried in front of me, and I mean really cried. No one really got to see that moment between us, but when you turned to leave, I knew I couldn't let you, and you had changed my life so much. I wanted to forget about the cancer, and about the problems we'd been having because I was pushing you away, and I just wanted to hold you, and be with you. I want you to know above all else that I love you with my entire heart and the night I saw you cry, well it changed my life, and made it that much better, because I touched a part of you that no one else had, and you had done the same for me. That night, just holding you, and you holding me, was just so special and I carry it right here in my heart.

*Tape Stops and the next song starts*

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I try but I can't seem to get myself to think of anything but you

Your breath on my face your warm, gentle kiss I taste the truth, I taste the truth

We know what I came here for

So I won't ask for more

I wanna be with you

If only for a night

To be the on who's in your arms to hold you tight

I wanna be with you

There's nothing more to say

There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way

I wanna be with you

So I'll hold you tonight like I would if you were mine to hold forevermore

And I'll savor each touch that I've wanted so much to feel before, to feel before

How beautiful it is

Just to be like this

Oh, baby

I can't fight this feeling anymore(anymore)

Drives me crazy when I try to

So call my name and take my hand

Can you make my wish, baby, your command

Yeah

Oh yeah

I wanna be with you

Wanna be with you, ooo, yeah

I wanna be, I wanna be, You

Yeah yeah I wanna be, I wanna be with you

(Repeat line above)

(Whisper) I wanna be with you

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*Tape Restarts*

This song was playing in your car the night we were on our way to the beach, and I know you don't like this music, but this song touched me even then. I saw it in Summer's collection and it made me focus more on that night, and remember exactly what it felt like to be in your arms and to have you kiss me. The world moved that night Shane, and I don't think you noticed, but I did, and it felt amazing. So if anything, take this song with you, and remember the reason I like it, and not the reason you don't. Take care of Summer and Jeff, and also Amanda if she let's you Shane, because they all mean so much to me and my death is going to hurt them, and in turn, let them take care of you. That is what I want most out of my life and my death, just to know that everyone I love has been taken care of.

Also find love, and make it last. There is another girl out there for you Shane, you might not share with her what me and you shared, but it will be electric, and there is endless possibilities. She's out there and I will do what I can to help you find her and make sure it lasts. You touched my life in so many ways, and made me a better person, and I just want you to be as happy as you've made me. I know I don't have much longer left now, but the time I did have was wonderful, and so full of light and from the bottom of my heart I thank you.

*Sound of Hayley's tears falling as she shuts off the tape.*

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*News Clipping- Raleigh News Dated July 13th, 2003*

WWE Writers Gives Up Her Fight With Cancer

Today, the World Wrestling Entertainment franchise lost one of the most talented writers to ever grace their halls. Hayley Carmichael, just turned 29, passed away at Raleigh General, with her boyfriend Shane Helms (known as the Hurricane in the WWE), Jeff Hardy (who was released from the company a year ago), Summer Ryan-Hardy, and Amanda Rodgers ( her best friend), by her side. This was a young girl with so much potential with her writing, and she had such a long way to go in the business. Some might even say she was better used on Television then she was in the back office, but I guess us as fans will never get to know for sure.

We spoke to Shane Helms, a few days after her death, and although he was very distraught, he managed to give us just a few moments and a few thoughts.

"She was the most beautiful person, and she wouldn't want to be remembered for the illness that took her life, she would want to be seen for what she really was, an Angel. My Angel."

Funeral arrangements have been made and she will be buried in a secure spot of the Hardy land in east Cameron. Sources close to the family of friends, told the newspaper, that it will be a closed service, but the portion of land will be kept open for those in the public that knew her that want to pay respects. With so many losses in the wrestling business as of late, this one just seems even more tragic. She didn't like wrestling in the beginning and over time fell in love with it. It's a severe loss to the wrestling community. We wish her well wherever she ended up.

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